The Power of Motherhood

Motherhood changes you.

You hear people talk about the changes that come over you when you become a mother but you never really understand it until it happens to you.  I've listened to women gush about their babies, their percentiles and other seemingly mundane details and thought to myself how boring it must be to be just a mother.  Otherwise, why would these previously amazingly accomplished, intelligent women be talking about such ordinary occurrences that surely every child achieves at some point in their lives.  I've thought about the career I would be giving up to become a mother.  The dreams that would have to be "sacrificed" to have a family.  Honestly, I mourned over the accomplishments that would be put on the wayside.  Don't get me wrong I've always wanted to be a mother and that is why the "sacrifice" was made.  But, I truly did not understand what power comes with Motherhood.

I've watched my own mother throughout the years and awed at her bizarre behavior.  Literally, the woman cries at everything.  I hated how emotional and overprotective she was is.  I wondered why it was so hard for her to follow through with punishment.  I never could understand why she could flip flop so suddenly when a decision was already made. Why did she grieve so intensely for the wayward choices of her children.  For weren't their choices only their own?  Surely she couldn't take their missteps upon herself.  I've grieved for her pain as she cries over her failures as a mother and wanted to make her understand that after everything she can do, we are all out in the world making our own decisions and mistakes.

Then, I became a Mother.

My eyes that once focused on money, career and status are now open to a world I never knew.  At first it was all just a whirlwind of keeping up with this little lump baby that needed to have a diaper change every twenty minutes, and eat every hour; fighting through exhaustion in order to meet the needs of this child that I so naively brought into this world.  I wondered when this all consuming love that I had heard so much about would finally set in.  It didn't happen all at once like the epiphany I'd expected, but as the fatigue subsided and I began to feel capable my love began to grow.  I started to feel a sense of pride in my little baby girl.

Then she smiled at me and my whole world changed.

I don't understand it.  I look at my daughter and my heart feels as though it could burst.  As she nurses I'm filled with thoughts of how I must change my life for the better because it is my privilege to be her example and guiding light.  As I read to her and see her wonder in new colors and books I am filled with amazement that she really is mine.  I am  reverenced in the beauty that is her complete innocence and stricken with the desire to ensure that innocence is maintained for as long as possible.  My heart has become bigger than I ever thought possible.

And the changes aren't just in regards to my daughter.

My whole perception of the world has changed.  Through my love for my daughter I finally understand the love of my heavenly Father.  I've tried my whole life to have compassion for others and some may argue that I am compassionate.  But I wasn't truly compassionate until I became a mother.  Until my eyes were opened to the love that I have for my child.  I can no longer help thinking, "what if that were my child".  Tears come readily to my eyes when I think of any pain that may befall my child and through the grief of just imagined possibilities I find a clearer understanding of the grief of others.  I find new meaning in the pleading to "mourn with those that mourn".  I feel as though I have begun to understand the meaning of this life for I would never understand the tender emotions of a mother if I hadn't been given the divine opportunity to be one.  I would never understand the love that my God has for me if I hadn't experienced that unconditional love that comes through motherhood.

Though I find myself crying over a song that plays on the radio, or the commercial that hits a little too close to home.  I am infinitely grateful to my heavenly Father who loves me enough to open my eyes wider that I ever thought possible.  Who teaches me through experience and allows me to fail so that I may grow.  Who entrusts his glorious heavenly sons and daughters to all us mothers for a time.  What greater calling could there be than to influence and nurture an innocent little child?

I am brought back to my pre-motherhood days and I finally understand.

My Mother cried over everything because she viewed the world through "what if it were my child" goggles.  I understand the agony that comes with second guessing every decision.  I understand the grief that will come when my child makes mistakes of her own and I wonder what I could have done differently to ensure her own grief will be minimal.  I understand the pride that comes through watching a miraculous little child learn and grow.  I understand that money, career and status are temporal aspirations; unimportant and  all that matters is my family and their happiness.  I understand the tragedy plaguing the world today and my heart mourns for my Savior and his pain suffered because of my sins.

Yes, my whole world has changed and I am eternally grateful to my Father in Heaven who has so lovingly changed me forever.